One summer I was invited to a weekend getaway at a popular Lake spot right outside of our City. My friend that invited me thought I would be a nice addition to a previous trip she and some more friends were trying to make a summer tradition. A Girls retreat so to speak, where they all got together for a refreshing timeout, enjoying the weather, the food, the camaraderie and the proverbial Girl Talk. Now for someone else this may have seemed like a great idea; but for me it would have been hell. See although I knew all of the guest invited I was not comfortable spending the weekend with a group of woman that I didn’t have much in common with outside of the female factor. This is not to say that these women are flawed by any means. I just don’t think like most women, and because of this I just don’t fit well in women circles, and to avoid me being miserable and them finding me even less likeable than they already did I said Thanks but No Thanks.
See I knew that the days would be great eating, shopping and soaking up the weather, but the evenings would cause me to cringe. After the days events there would be alcohol and the famous relationship talk and I would be forced to sit there listening to The Savior, The Boss, The Dodge Girl, The Homegirl, and The President of “The Man Haters Club”
The Savior
Bless her heart. She’s willing to do what ever it takes to have a man. She is afraid of being replaced by a woman that can out do her. She believes that if she does everything in her power to keep him happy it will make her indispensable. Pick up his dry cleaning, clean his apartment, wash his clothes, feed the dog, cook, iron, inconvenience herself to convenience him, and even put her self in debt to keep his finances in order. She always settles for less, and always gets less than she settles for.
The BOSS
In her eyes black men are totally unmanageable, uneducated, lazy, and unprepared for life. She has a Good Man, but she has never met a Black man that was up to her standards, including hers. She picks him apart like a vulture would a dead carcass. She calls to find out his location, who he’s with and where he’s going. LMFAO She talks so bad about this man you have to ask yourself why she is with him in the first damn place, and even though she talks like he’s expendable she’s extremely paranoid that he is plotting to leave her. She can’t stand to not be in control of everything and of all situations. She runs around like a Chicken with her head cut off Regulating MOFO’s. She volunteers for shit at work, Church, her children’s school and her social clubs, because in her head nothing can get done right without her. Instead of loving her man and letting him be a man she tries to Controls his Ass. She’s afraid of the unknown and the uncontrollable.
The Dodge Girl
She gets real close to men but will dodge being in a relationship. She believes if she crosses the line of romance she will be hurt. She loves the presence of men in her life and she has several for different needs; but she refuses to be more than friends. She is very skilled at keeping men at a comfortable distance. Using them for what ever her need is, but never allowing herself to feel. She’s in denial and can’t get past the pain of her last relationship, she is bound to miss out on someone new dwelling on someone old.
The Home girl
She hasn’t been in a relationship in years. She started drinking after her last relationship out of misery. Because of a past Pain spot she has never believed that men found her to be attractive. She’s heard it all before Love God and yourself first and it will all fall into place; but she’s tried that shit and it didn’t work for her. So she’s let her self go over the years and decided Candy is Dandy but liquor is quicker. She’s funny as hell and allot of fun to be around. Men love her company because she tells good jokes and can hold her liquor, but they all see her as the home girl and not potential mate. She periodically has a fling or two with married or otherwise attached men. She would love to have a relationship of her own, but because her Self Esteem is in the gutter her self-defeating behavior is a turn factor. Men see what she ultimately believes about herself and don’t bother, and she has decided to replace companionship and love with an Ice Cold Budwiser.
The President of the “Man Haters Club”
This chick has decided somewhere in her life that all men are useless, and she will remind them of there uselessness when ever she gets the opportunity. She’s on a personal mission to make sure that no man has the chance to use, reject, abuse, or insult her mad ass again. When she meets a man she doesn’t even give him a chance to find out who he is because in her angry head he’s the last MOFO she dated and she has already prepared her strategy to get him before he gets her. The symptoms she displays are her bad attitude and, her smart ass mouth full of fucked up remarks, and a constant Frown on her face. Who wants to be bothered with that… She creates drama on purpose to prevent what she believes to be the inevitable. She can’t enjoy the present because of her past pain.
Life is so simple; but we tend to complicate it.
One thing I do have in common with those women is that just like them and all human beings I want to Love and be loved. But it is impossible to do that without staying in the moment. I tell my daughters that if someone Loves you, nothing will keep them away from you, and if they don’t love you, nothing you do will make them stay.
To live in the moment doesn’t mean you don’t have plans for the future it only means that you have no fearfulness of those plans by controlling the situation. You never deny yourself. You do what makes you smile until it discontinues to make you smile, no more and no less. You never project the future into the moment with expectations of grandeur. This only causes huge disappointments when your expectations don't come into fruition. You understand that fucked up shit may have happened in your life that is not unique to you so you have got to give up the hope that the past could have been any different and move the fuck on! Don’t punish people in your life for what was. The cause for unhappiness is not a situation but what you think about the Situation. If you believe that the Past gives you your identity and the future holds the promise of Salvation and fulfillment in what ever form, you are so delusional; because if life is not right now this moment when is it?
