Smooth Sailing

It was real good to see you after all this time,

You hadn’t change one bit,

Still looking good and talkin plenty of Shit.

Handsome as ever, same fly ass appearance.

Said you were Single and dating,

Smooth sailing, no interference.

We caught each other up on what we had both been up to,

You had a couple of beers and I had a drink or two.

I was really feeling our little reunion,

And I had no idea about what was coming.

Imagine how I felt when ole girl walked up to us

looking at you like “Harpo, who dis woman?”

©Nia Santiago



One in a Million

I know a million Niggahs like you 

#Exaggeration

Really though… all spitting the same spew 

#Affirmation

Not looking for a relationship 

#Affiliation

Testing the waters trying to get um a little bit 

#Experimentation

Well I honor your honesty for the time being 

#No Expectations

But Baby don’t get annoyed when I stop seeing what you seeing 

#Realization

See Papa Life is Simple and I refuse to complicate my shit 

#Notification

I’m feelin you though, from that infectious Smile to the way you bite my lip 

#Stimulation

So before you get dug in and comfortable with this non-relationship situation 

#Relaxation

I need to stop wasting precious time and get back on the road to my destination 

#Declaration

See I’m too damn Fly to be one of many 

#Collection

I’m a Priority not an Option; but maybe You didn’t hear me 

#Classification

Can’t hate on what you doing Papito it’s just not what I want 

#Aspiration

So no hard feelings Handsome, it is what it is, no one to blame, and no ones at fault 

#Accusation

And anyway Niggah... I Still adore that Smile 

#Conclusion



Be Love

It’s amazing how you feel in love,

When you’re feeling love,

With your fill-in love.

Its a maze in which you’re lost in love,

When you’re lost in love,

while lusting love.

See, there’s a difference between

Being in love…and being in lust…and being in like,

And there’s a difference between

Loving someone and lusting for someone

Unless you’re a sex addict right?

We all go through phases of love…

you’ve got the cheap thrills

And the one who fills-in until you find the real deal.

But who has time to kill?

Im just keepin it Real.

Are you trying to hear what I’m trying to feeeel?

It’s insane that we play games with love,

Wear fake ass names in love,

And stake claims to love,

But won’t change for love.

It’s in saying that we want to be loved;

but we should see loves simply what we should BE…

"LOVE"



Affairs Of The Heart

I am admittedly hesitant when it comes to affairs of the Heart.

My reminiscences continue to return to ill fated Love and placing my apples before the cart.

Of unimaginable pain almost too much for me to bear.

Until I noticed you shining brightly with such insurmountable glare…

It’s how you stand before me and gently kiss my lips, the way you hold me closely and firmly grip my hips.

The feelings that I feel when you’re inside me feverishly grunting inaudible words.

That secret language we speak, that no one else has heard.

that Smile of yours that warms my heart and reassured me that we were fine, and how everyone before you was such a waste of time.

And now what is so willingly obvious and undeniably true, is how I am unquestionably, powerlessly and absolutely enthralled with you.



Right Now...

One summer I was invited to a weekend getaway at a popular Lake spot right outside of our City. My friend that invited me thought I would be a nice addition to a previous trip she and some more friends were trying to make a summer tradition. A Girls retreat so to speak, where they all got together for a refreshing timeout, enjoying the weather, the food, the camaraderie and the proverbial Girl Talk. Now for someone else this may have seemed like a great idea; but for me it would have been hell. See although I knew all of the guest invited I was not comfortable spending the weekend with a group of woman that I didn’t have much in common with outside of the female factor. This is not to say that these women are flawed by any means. I just don’t think like most women, and because of this I just don’t fit well in women circles, and to avoid me being miserable and them finding me even less likeable than they already did I said Thanks but No Thanks.

See I knew that the days would be great eating, shopping and soaking up the weather, but the evenings would cause me to cringe. After the days events there would be alcohol and the famous relationship talk and I would be forced to sit there listening to The Savior, The Boss, The Dodge Girl, The Homegirl, and The President of “The Man Haters Club”

The Savior
Bless her heart. She’s willing to do what ever it takes to have a man. She is afraid of being replaced by a woman that can out do her. She believes that if she does everything in her power to keep him happy it will make her indispensable. Pick up his dry cleaning, clean his apartment, wash his clothes, feed the dog, cook, iron, inconvenience herself to convenience him, and even put her self in debt to keep his finances in order. She always settles for less, and always gets less than she settles for.

The BOSS
In her eyes black men are totally unmanageable, uneducated, lazy, and unprepared for life. She has a Good Man, but she has never met a Black man that was up to her standards, including hers. She picks him apart like a vulture would a dead carcass. She calls to find out his location, who he’s with and where he’s going. LMFAO She talks so bad about this man you have to ask yourself why she is with him in the first damn place, and even though she talks like he’s expendable she’s extremely paranoid that he is plotting to leave her. She can’t stand to not be in control of everything and of all situations. She runs around like a Chicken with her head cut off Regulating MOFO’s. She volunteers for shit at work, Church, her children’s school and her social clubs, because in her head nothing can get done right without her. Instead of loving her man and letting him be a man she tries to Controls his Ass. She’s afraid of the unknown and the uncontrollable.

The Dodge Girl
She gets real close to men but will dodge being in a relationship. She believes if she crosses the line of romance she will be hurt. She loves the presence of men in her life and she has several for different needs; but she refuses to be more than friends. She is very skilled at keeping men at a comfortable distance. Using them for what ever her need is, but never allowing herself to feel. She’s in denial and can’t get past the pain of her last relationship, she is bound to miss out on someone new dwelling on someone old.

The Home girl
She hasn’t been in a relationship in years. She started drinking after her last relationship out of misery. Because of a past Pain spot she has never believed that men found her to be attractive. She’s heard it all before Love God and yourself first and it will all fall into place; but she’s tried that shit and it didn’t work for her. So she’s let her self go over the years and decided Candy is Dandy but liquor is quicker. She’s funny as hell and allot of fun to be around. Men love her company because she tells good jokes and can hold her liquor, but they all see her as the home girl and not potential mate. She periodically has a fling or two with married or otherwise attached men. She would love to have a relationship of her own, but because her Self Esteem is in the gutter her self-defeating behavior is a turn factor. Men see what she ultimately believes about herself and don’t bother, and she has decided to replace companionship and love with an Ice Cold Budwiser.

The President of the “Man Haters Club”
This chick has decided somewhere in her life that all men are useless, and she will remind them of there uselessness when ever she gets the opportunity. She’s on a personal mission to make sure that no man has the chance to use, reject, abuse, or insult her mad ass again. When she meets a man she doesn’t even give him a chance to find out who he is because in her angry head he’s the last MOFO she dated and she has already prepared her strategy to get him before he gets her. The symptoms she displays are her bad attitude and, her smart ass mouth full of fucked up remarks, and a constant Frown on her face. Who wants to be bothered with that… She creates drama on purpose to prevent what she believes to be the inevitable. She can’t enjoy the present because of her past pain.

Life is so simple; but we tend to complicate it.
One thing I do have in common with those women is that just like them and all human beings I want to Love and be loved. But it is impossible to do that without staying in the moment. I tell my daughters that if someone Loves you, nothing will keep them away from you, and if they don’t love you, nothing you do will make them stay.

To live in the moment doesn’t mean you don’t have plans for the future it only means that you have no fearfulness of those plans by controlling the situation. You never deny yourself. You do what makes you smile until it discontinues to make you smile, no more and no less. You never project the future into the moment with expectations of grandeur. This only causes huge disappointments when your expectations don't come into fruition. You understand that fucked up shit may have happened in your life that is not unique to you so you have got to give up the hope that the past could have been any different and move the fuck on! Don’t punish people in your life for what was. The cause for unhappiness is not a situation but what you think about the Situation. If you believe that the Past gives you your identity and the future holds the promise of Salvation and fulfillment in what ever form, you are so delusional; because if life is not right now this moment when is it?

Black Magic

This morning I had an interesting conversation with an old friend of mine on the subject of dating. He and I have been friends for a little over 30 years, and although our romantic relationship is one for the archives our friendship has sustained the passage of time. If I have relationship questions who better to ask but a man, better yet a man whose opinion I trust.


We had laughed and talked for about 15 minutes on the of topic dating and how he had been on 2 dates the prior week, and both woman talked continuously about their past dreadful experiences with black men.

On the first date he said he attempted to defend Black men as a whole but to no avail cause his date was so adamant about all black men being the same. He finally came to the conclusion that she only accepted another date with a brother was to Fuck his night up. He had more happening s planned after dinner; but her disposition wore him down and he bowed out soon after the check came. She even had the audacity to call him the next day; but he let her call go to voice mail.

Date #2 was not singing the “all black men are dogs” song but she talked about her recent decision to date outside of her race due to her past relationships with black men. We chatted on the subject a little while longer joking about the 2 sistahs he went out with and he posed the question to me.

Would I ever consider dating outside of my race?

My answer was swift and fixed.

Never!

The thought Never crossed my mind.

He wasn’t shocked I don’t believe, because he knows me completely; but he went on to ask me why not? My experiences with Black men had not been Peachy, including my 16 year marriage. Why had I never given this a thought?

I dug deep yall, and this is what I told him:

I Love Black Men!
Black men intrigue me to no end.
How solemn and detached they can be when thinking of their next move.

I’m so Proud of them
How they hold their head up and sustain their dignity in a country that is littered with impediments designed to derail them.
I Love the way Black men Talk…
How they infuse all of the around the way vernacular into the
Kings English and articulate their points creatively.
Common Sense and Book Sense
Block Knowledge meets formal Education. #Michael Eric Dyson
Who else has that quality?

I Love the way a black men make me feel!
I don’t have to explain myself to a Black man.
He understands me.
He doesn’t Judge me
He shares the same views, hopes, and aspirations that I do
We have the same memories about shit
He was watching Good Times and Soul Train back in the day just like me!

I’m inspired by his Perseverance
I can’t get enough of his drive and ambition.
His determination to succeed…

I Love the way he walks
A Black man can be broke and down on his Luck; but baby that walk is gonna say I own the MOFO place!

I Love the way he treats his Momma.
Most black men have been raised by strong Black woman and understand that the Black Womans Survival instinct is keen and only one part of her multidimensional personality.

And OMG!!!
The way Black men Look and carry themselves…
His Melanin, Lord Have Mercy…
My complexion is fair in the winter and a buttery Carmel in the summer; but I Love me some Brown Skin up against My Brown Skin!!!
Skin so Brown Lips so Round Baby how can I be Down?
Shit!!!!

No body can completely imitate a Black Mans qualities.
Abracadabra! It's Magic... lmfao
That SWAG…
I don’t give a Fuck where you from
VanDyke and Harper
Lenox and a hundred and twenty fifth
Crenshaw and Slauson
Madison & Laramie
or Naturalbridge and Kingshighway
No one can dress like a Black Man
Hat cocked ace deuce
Or fitted cap pulled down low or turned to the back
Crisp hair cut
Fly ass Gear!
It can not be duplicated and does not look the same on anyone else

My Father
My Grand Father
My Son
My Brother
My Uncle
My Kings!!!
I Can’t Live without em yall…

Desperate,Can’t see the forest for the trees or both...

I’ve begun dating again after 20 or more years in committed relationships.
I’m of Black and Dominican heritage, so Passion is undeniably a part of my culture.
Whatever I do, I do it with fever…
I Work, Play and Love H.A.M.
But in no way does that make me Desperate.
I say this because no matter how valid my thinking may be Im still conscious of my Ego.
So, I want to elaborate on what I call the “Desperate Can't see the Forest for the Trees” situations that we as woman find our selves in… some of us constantly.

Let’s start with Desperate…

Have you ever met a man and you were so infatuated that you start imagining what it would be like to be in this person’s life long term? Of course you have, you would be lying if you said you hadn’t. It’s human nature.
But for the desperate woman, all this happens from the moment they meet.
You heard the old saying “You had me at Hello” yeah that’s her…
And after “Hello” this Sistah does all that is in her power to prove to this man that she is all he will ever need in LIFE!!!
She cooks, cleans, dotes on, takes on his interest, beliefs, family, kids, Sexual preferences etc. etc
All of this to prove her place in his life.
We jump through rings of fire trying to secure our spot and this Niggah is kicked back like a dead fly.

WTF!!!
He’s just a man; but in desperation you see him as a long term partner and not Just a MAN who’s interested in your friendship.
Get to know the person and not the potential Mate.
Let the Magic happen naturally, stay in the moment and stop focusing on down the road.

Ok so you may not be desperate; but you’re confused about your relationship status and sitiuation.
In other words you can’t see the forest for the trees…

When a Man shows you who he is believe him the first time.
You don’t have to buy some Mans book instructing you on how to “Act like a Lady and think like a man”, or how to recognize when “He’s just not that into you”
Your not Stupid for Gods Sake.

If a man is not interested in a committed relationship 9 times out of 10 he is not going to divulge this to you. Reason being, if he told you up front that all he was interested in was casual Sex, we would more than likely decline. So the majority of men won’t take the chance. Fortunately for us it’s not hard to detect. Our problem is not detection; the problem is belief of what we detect, and not idealizing shit romantically after we detect it.

I don’t care who you are, or where you are from, cause I was raised by a Naive single Mom and Im not an idealist by nature. But it doesn’t make any difference because although I’m a realist I’m still human and Very Female. So no matter how I “think like a man and act like a lady” and recognize when “he’s not that into me”, my female natural emotional frame of mind takes me to some places that I would rather not go.
That’s just Real Talk…

So to prevent yourself from Going There.
Make it clear to men what you would like up front. I’m not saying on the first date you pull out you’re “100 things I want in a man” list and start checking shit off over dinner. I’m not even suggesting that you should look at every man that you meet as a potential mate, all I’m saying is be clear with men on what their intentions are and more importantly be clear with yourself on what you’re own intentions are, and no mater what you do Don’t try to change his mind and don’t let him change yours. Don’t get this fucked up. When I say intentions I’m not saying Romance Novel Grand idealists Expectations.
Grand idealists Romantic Expectations result in some real Life, Kicked in the Gut, Ima Kill me a mothafucka, Disappointment.

So…

If he only calls you after 11:00 PM and does not work the afternoon shift, he is not interested in seeing you before dark, which means he is not interested in more than after dark activities. Don’t try to rationalize his reasons for calling you after dark. It is what it is, and nothings open that late but liquor stores and Legs!

If after dating him for 6 months you haven’t met his friends or family, his Momma or roommate, it’s because he has no intentions on incorporating you into his life any further than you already are. You are basically something to do no more and no less!

If the only time you and the man you’re dating get together is for Grown Folks Play Dates, the Slap and Clap, or Going balls deep and he’s never taken you out. Trust me when I say that you are not his girlfriend, that you are just a Jump Off. Don’t convince yourself that this will change eventually, convince yourself that this man has no intention of being more than a friend with benefits, he will never take your relationship from casual to committed.

If he takes you out periodically, and you have met his friends and his momma and the Dog etc, and you spend time at his place (when invited only) and he spends time at your place (whenever he pleases); but there are times when he doesn’t answer his cell phone, or return your call, and times he’s missing in action. One or two things are happening here. Either he is in what some men call a complicated relationship. You know that on again off again breakup to make up shit, or he’s just a Player. Either way you are only an Option. Your are runner up #2. Now Girl #1 may not even be feelin him like you do; but he’s feelin her. So when she’s unavailable or they are on the outs you will just have to do. Don’t make someone a Priority when for them you are only an option.

And this is one is Dear to my Heart.
When you meet that man that is everything you dreamed of But…

This Man Im talkin about makes you laugh for hours on end. He teaches you things you never knew and enlightens you on others. He is self sufficient and reliable, Spiritual but not judgmental, Smart and talented. This man is compassionate, honest and Good to his Momma. And to top it all off Sex with this man is earth shattering. He is everything you dreamed of, Everything, EVERYTHING, Except….

He has made it CLEAR to you from the beginning that he is Does NOT want a commitment. Although he is happily satisfied with reaping the benefits as if your relationship is just that; but not ready to label it as such. He conveys that he does not like the concept of answering to anyone, and because no mater what Book you have read, or how conscious you are of your Ego, You and you alone still feel or have convinced yourself that your relationship is exclusive. When all the evidence points to the opposite. Including his admission that he sleeps with other woman.

In your head when he is ready to settle down you will be The One he settles down with. He is honest and admits to you that he Loves you as a person; but is not in Love with you. But because the breeze is rattling in those trees, Yo ass hears “he loves you; but he’s not in Love with you YET”
Or You just disregard his admission all together.

He’s so Damn Charming; he is what some would call a consummate bachelor.

And don’t think cause you Sexing him like Pinky, you gonna change his mind, because for a man to commit to a woman he has got to connect with her emotionally as well as Sexually. He has to feel such a deep and intense level of attraction for her that he can’t imagine feeling the same way with another woman. If you are looking for a committed relationship and you meet this man.
Bitch….
RUN, RUN, RUN as fast as you can the other Damn way!
Because one things for sure and two is for certain If he Loves you, you can’t keep him away, and if he doesn’t Love you, you can not make his ass stay.

And last but not least.

The woman scorned…
You have been in one or more bad relationships and have decide that
you don't need a man to make you happy, all you need is God.
God is the only man you need in your life.
He is the true source to all your happiness.
You don't want to waist your precious time dating anyone accept
that special man that He's going to send you.
You’re good being Single.
I’ve heard it before and
I respect your Faith in God; but God created you human, and Happiness is a choice.
Choose to be Happy with or without a man.
Understand that you can Love God and Love a man.
God is within, If you get the inside right, the outside will fall into place.

I don’t need a Man either; but Im human, and we all as humans have the predisposition of wanting to Love and Be Loved.
Truth is…
LOVE has nothing to do with Wanting, it Just Is!
So until Love is literally present for me, and not just In My Head...
I will allow infatuation to evolve on its own and
when a man shows me, or flat out tells me who he is I wont alter the facts to accommodate my Fantasy.
I’ll believe him, the First Time.